I've recently lost a very large amount of weight.

Tonight, I found out that in addition to feeling very grateful for my new lease on life, I'm feeling a certain bit of Schadenfreude as I watch people that I went to college with slowly gain weight. Part of me feels happy that, as they start to look older and worse, I'm looking younger and more vital than ever.

I don't know that I like this part of myself.

Just deleted a bunch of posts that showcased the less desirable aspects of my personality and habits. Onward and upward, right?

Pascha was, in a word, amazing. I'm already looking forward to next year (and I say that every year). My favorite moments:

*"I will arise and be glorified"...when the Plashchanitsa is lifted up and carried into the altar. 

*Seeing the banners and everything being readied for the procession in total darkness

*The lighting of the New Fire

*The procession itself, despite the fact that only two of us know the Slavonic for "The angels in Heaven sing"

*The reading of the Gospel

*Everything else, really

I wish I could articulately explain why it's so important to be Orthodox. I know I do a bad job of it. God, show me how!

Faith: the logical ascent to the Truth

I've been asking myself several questions over the past few years. 

• How many of the world's self-professed Christians actually, truly believe in a living God, and not just the idea of that God? 
• How many of these Christians truly believe that this God took flesh from a virgin (who really was a virgin) and was fully human and fully God?
• How many of these Christians are truly prepared, in any way, to give an account of their lives before the dread judgement seat of Christ, when He shall come to judge the world in glory?
• How much of this have I really accepted? Have I come to terms with these ideas as truth, or simply as nebulous concepts? Has it really sunk into my skull that Jesus Christ exists, right now, at the right hand of the Father? That His blessed Mother reigns as Queen of Heaven, and that her intercessions are powerful before her Son? How fully do I understand these statements to be fact? 

On a surface level- an intellectual level, if you will- I don't doubt any of this at all. I have progressed, since my conversion to Holy Orthodoxy, from the prayer of the mouth to the prayer of the mind. The last step- the prayer of the heart- I believe still eludes me. I have my moments, of course, but at this stage of my life I am still struggling very much for my heart to be opened, and to believe with it as much as I believe with my mind. 

Lord, have mercy!

...it's you who are locked in here with me

Hello, world. 

It seems that I've begun every blog I've started (abortive or not), with those two words. Hi. Hello. Hola. Welcome to the monkey house. 

Today I'm motivated by a desire for anonymity; my other blogs, livejournals, and websites too easily identify me- and forget about Facebook. Who can post an honest status with almost 1,000 friends from every facet of life peering in? So, the point here is that none of you shall ever know who I am. 

Perhaps, in this space of anonymity, we shall also find honesty together.