Faith: the logical ascent to the Truth

I've been asking myself several questions over the past few years. 

• How many of the world's self-professed Christians actually, truly believe in a living God, and not just the idea of that God? 
• How many of these Christians truly believe that this God took flesh from a virgin (who really was a virgin) and was fully human and fully God?
• How many of these Christians are truly prepared, in any way, to give an account of their lives before the dread judgement seat of Christ, when He shall come to judge the world in glory?
• How much of this have I really accepted? Have I come to terms with these ideas as truth, or simply as nebulous concepts? Has it really sunk into my skull that Jesus Christ exists, right now, at the right hand of the Father? That His blessed Mother reigns as Queen of Heaven, and that her intercessions are powerful before her Son? How fully do I understand these statements to be fact? 

On a surface level- an intellectual level, if you will- I don't doubt any of this at all. I have progressed, since my conversion to Holy Orthodoxy, from the prayer of the mouth to the prayer of the mind. The last step- the prayer of the heart- I believe still eludes me. I have my moments, of course, but at this stage of my life I am still struggling very much for my heart to be opened, and to believe with it as much as I believe with my mind. 

Lord, have mercy!